Lonelygirlarts

How the hell do blogger do this everyday? Maybe it is just my attention span! But I am trying to get back on track with everything. Getting organized with time is my most important project right now. I am back to making a daily list, and doing very well at that. Back to normal meals again. With all the tasting of the food I made, I never ate real meals. Bad habits, lost weight I did not need to loose. Anyway... Started going thru seed catalogs, I need to decide what I want to grow this year. Garden will get bigger, so will the pumpkin patch, and the sunflower bed. Then along the garage. And one barrel will be bush blueberries, and if I can get a hold of another one, bush cranberries. The herbs did so well in the barrel that I will not change that one. Paste Tomatoes, cukes, dill, zucchini, peppers, onions, chives, carrots, beets, and a few other different things I found. A foot along that fence gets no sun, I would love to get the garden all the way to the fence, but it would be wasted

The summer is really gone now! It started out really rough, but in the end, I am very satisfied with how the garden looked, and it did produce. Things will be done differently next year. This is how you learn, by doing. It was the best therapy for me, even when I felt really tired and just crappy, it was nice to have a place finally to go outside and enjoy the view. I have never used the backyard before, but this year, every sunny day I was out doing something,and just sitting enjoying what I did all by myself. Give myself a pat on the back. But it is over for awhile. I have a few more things to do, but not much, just put things in the shed, and pull out the rest of the flowers that still where flowering until the snow came. But that is okay. It happens every year, every year of my life, except the one year I lived in Tucson, I have lived with winter. Don't know how else to live. And I think snow purifies everything. For a moment in time the world outside my door is pure white and

Whenever I finally get to sit and write...I loose every thought I had planned on writing about. It seems lately I have become really stretched thin. Several notebooks with things to do, directions,plans, to busy organizing everything, I am not getting anything done. Thinking up new projects, I still have projects that need to be finished!!! Now I want to make rag rugs. what the hell is that about? They are cool, and I have lots of material, I think. I hope I did not give it all away when I cleaned the art closet out!!! I tend to do that, that is why I hate throwing things out, I may not use it at the time I get it, but down the road I eventually use it. But , between getting it and using it... if I got the down size bug... things get thrown away or given away. Now, back to the rug idea. I saw one made with old bath towels. I don't think that is a good idea, strings all over the place. Raggy old tea towels and all the cotton material I have would do better. But the towel one was rea

The day has been a somber one. I am pretending it is raining outside, even though the sun is shining. Nothing to do in the garden, less and less to dead head every day.Picked all the yellow beans yesterday, the zucchini is still growing, picked a few today. Now just letting things go on there own. Thinking on the next project to start...I don't know what to do? Books, socks, dolls,paper mache' boxes, ornaments,magnets,and the cookbook that needs to be organized? I guess just pick one and get it done. It is the starting of projects that is the most difficult, but once that hurdle is crossed, I am gun ho! I need to find out if you can dry Cosmo flowers. or just the petals, by pressing them, I have a ton of pressed flowers on the back shelf. Gotta do something with them... That is my problem, I have so many projects to do, the materials to do them, stupid of me to find that a problem! The only real problem I have is my ability to manage time! I have this bad habit of always thinki

I have been a bit neglectful lately with keeping up on the garden business. I just find it all so sad right now, especially since Fall is my favorite time of year. But the days are getting shorter and the nites cooler. Right now we are in a really nice warm spell, but rain is needed. The sunflowers all are blooming, some have been picked and are in two vases. The big ones are really big! I have brought in all the tender perennials, the geraniums are taking off in the house, so is the rosemary, and I got a beautiful ceramic planter at Goodwill for $4.95. The best deal ever, and my lavender has plenty of room to grow over the winter. I found a sage that was really dwarfed in the herb barrel, so I replanted that. My mints where so root bound that I had one hell of a time getting them out, and when I did, I ripped them all to shreds. We replanted some of the roots and what I thought would regrow, they look good right now. Cutting Cosmo's all the time, they where one of the best things

What should I ramble about today... I just realized I can write this off-line! I am still in the ice-age with my Internet connection. I get what I can afford. I guess today , since I feel so crappy I will explain why? And it is a very weird list! My main concern right now, well I have two of them. The number one is my depression is so bad, I am having a hard time justifying wanting to continue this way. Besides being physically ill, I hate the place I live. My whole life I swore I would never come back to this area and live. Guess where I am? I had my own life for twenty years away from here, and now I have to figure out a way to get out of here before it does kill me. I really thought after I healed from the Surgical infection in 2004, that took over a year of having to live with my Mum, getting stuffed with yards of gauze four times a day, because the cut across my lower abdomen to get the plumbing out became infected, In and out of the Mayo for six months.Living with a parent, Not a

This one was written when I lived in Grand Marais. Had the cutest cabin on a little hill, view of the lake when no leaves where on the trees, and I had lots of those! It was a really magical place. Allot of great memories where made there. Oh, Hell Panic is setting in pipes are gurgling Snow is hiding the sun and where in the hell is eagle mountain? Driveway, it has vanished sucked under mountains of snow shovel hidden where the sidewalk used to be and where in the hell is the snowplow? Fighting the frigid wind holding my own in a very fragile state wondering how to subdue the panic that is setting in and where in the hell is my Prozac pres

Every once in a blue moon, I get really sappy and write really bad poetry for a few months. Been a few years since I put anything to paper. So I rounded up my older ones and what the hell, I will add them here. No one will ever read how really terrible they are anyway. So here it goes..... Years After all these years he winks the same. But his smile is no longer that. I see only a smirk. He thinks my failures are because I shut him out. It took me to long to realize my failures where because I let him in. My Brother When he died, I buried his broken heart I buried his sad smile I buried his pain I could not bury his memory I took it from him as he lay so still, so cold. His memories became entwined with mine. I refuse to let go. The memories of his childhood, we shared together. When his heart was whole, and his laughter was true. I hold the memories of when he became broken. His reality shattered by death. Dearly I hold the memories of his being lost in this world. Every mo

This is the blueprint of my imaginary eatery. A sample of items I would choose to have on my menu. And the most important thing in any dining experience is, let the kitchen do the job they love to do. You will get the food our way or no way. If you want to pick apart a dish, do it at home.That is the way the kitchen runs. Lunch Menu: All sandwiches served with Sweet Potato Fries and Cucumber Buttermilk Ketchup. Choice of Pineapple Cashew Coleslaw or a Fruit Plate Monte Crisco: Shaved ham and turkey with Swiss and cheddar on lightly battered sourdough bread, grilled and served with Raspberry Sour Creme on the side. Ham and Pear crisp Sandwich: Shaved ham, poached pears, and melted cheese, toasted on Swedish Raisin Rye Bread. Raspberry Chipolte Barbecue Pulled Pork Stuffed Biscuit: Slow Roasted, tender pork, seasoned with the right spices and a sweet savory BBQ. sauce . All Baked inside a savory biscuit. The Best Patty Melt: Stop looking, this is it! Angus ground beef, Caramelized onions

The mid-August Backyard up-date has now begun. We will get the major issues over with right at the start! Lack of colors, I planted things en mass, so I do not have room for variety and color. I have to work n that and get a few different pops of color in spots for next year. I really think that is my only major complaint to come out of my first year. DAY LILY BED: Doing really well, they will not flower this year, but I love the color green, and I threw in a few Cosmo seedlings I had , and some zinnia seeds, they are about to bloom, just small plants. That bed will be opened up in the fall. I plan to border it in tulips. SUNFLOWERS: To the top of the shed, the smaller one have flower heads, they make me proud! THE FUNKY AREA: The mints need to be divided really bad, the scented geraniums are beautiful, I can't wait to get more! All the viola's and pansy's are just sitting pretty in there colorful pots. HERB BARREL: Full to the brim!, I had to yank the cilantro, it went to

My brain is tired, it had a very trying day today. It takes allot out of me to have to social and NICE for several hours a day. I do not have that coming naturally to me right at this time. I do have the talent for using allot of words in a sentence ! Can't hold a decent conversation with the living, but the computer and I are getting a bit more chatty. I logged on thinking I would write a nice long essay on something that is relevant to the day. Guess what? It ain't gonna happen. It would probably come out as some horrible end of the world dirge. And I can barely keep my eyes open. Good- nite !

It is foggy and dark outside. A perfect day to let the mind wander. It is a full day of Julia Child today, that's been fun this morning. I will get to the movie, maybe this week. Julie & Julia I think it's called. But I learned the secret of popovers! You learn something new everyday. Don't use a pan, use separate custard cups, leaving room between them for the heat to circle, and that is what will make them really pop up. I think I will make some on Monday, I will be home for dinner, so I will make popovers and a shrimp salad. I will be able to use fresh peas. And I am making pesto, Have everything I need, think I will freeze in ice cube trays, then use when needed. And If I want fresh pesto, I only need to buy a container of basil, add a few ice cubes, made it stretch. Pick Sage to dry also, and I have a sage that is getting crowded out, gonna have to move that baby to it's own pot. And with this rain, weeds are growing again. I am hoping Monday is a sunny hot day

I think (not a good thing), that the biggest regret I will have in life is not keeping up with my family, and heritage. I am watching people go to a funeral right now. Yes, I watch the dead come and go, I also watch allot of drunks come and go. The front has a very urban view! Anyway... I come from a very rich heritage, the food, music, art,religion. I love the language, listening to it anyway. But, most are dead that spoke it all the time. And the distance is greater, when we get older.And it always seems that there is always one person in your family who has the power to gather everyone together. Once they pass, their shoes do not get filled by someone younger. We lost the importance of extended family. I think that is because we grew up, then moved away. And we had to depend on ourselves, then the friends we made. Years go by, and we see each other at funerals,and go back to our lives.But all the people that have made my memories last deserve a few paragraphs. One of the dancers in

A very lovely day. I only had one melt down, then I went into my world. And in my world all was well. The best surprise was on my little music player I found lilly Allen!!! I worked all day trying to download that, and I thought I failed, but I didn't!!! So I rocked out in the backyard all day to her. I was outside by ten. Moved all the containers, mowed, deadheaded, cleaned up the backyard.Did some reading about pumpkins, found out how to get the big ones, so I should get four or five big pumpkins. And the little white ones I will let have four on a plant, they can stay small. I have never seen zucchini leaves that big before! They are huge. I went and had some pictures scanned onto a CD, now I can't get them into a file that will turn into a photo. They are PDF files. I have no idea how I fucked up! I will go back before work tomorrow and ask what I should do. I might have to gather up the photo's all over again. I think when I down loaded them I used the wrong program. A

When people blog, do they think out the bla bla bla before they start writing, or do they just sit at the keyboard and let it rip? Maybe I should take the time to read a few different types of blogs to help me out. I read a few gardening blogs, and have a few good ones e-mailed to me, which i usually delete. I guess if i want to get better at this, i need to do my research. And do I need to focus my blog on one theme? Or, I guess I will do it as I live my life in chapters. Now I just have to make each day a paragraph in that chapter. Yea, that' s it!!! Paragraphs in my chapters. Too bad most of the paragraphs will be pretty boring. And sometimes it is not that pleasant. But if any one ever besides me reads this, realize that I do know how good my life is, I always have all the basics. But sometimes my brain does not connect with reality. And I slip into the shadows. Like now. And i fight really hard everyday to keep living. It's become more of a habit than anything else. Depres

When will summer come? It has been a bit chilly of late. Sun comes in and out, a bit of rain here and there. All those years of hating the heat because I was so heavy, now, I can't keep warm on a 90 degree day. but again, that's life.... I need to do a walk around the backyard, haven't done it at all lately. Worked all week-end, work tonite, but the next few days off. I think I might try a little on-line flirting. Don't know about the dating, I am just not feeling good enough to have to work that hard at being personable. Right now, I can handle a few minutes with a person, but after that, all hell will break loose, jut don't have all my marbles in order right now. Something weird is happening with my speech right now, I am having a hard time with words. Probably a little stroke happened Saturday or Friday nite. Nothing new with that. I looked into a digital photography class for this fall, but it is all full, so I think I will try to enroll in two classes for the s

I do not think it has reached 60 degrees outside! I went for a walk this morning, I wore a turtleneck, jean jacket and jeans. It is August 1st!!! We have had a very cold summer, the garden is a full month behind. Here is my August Update.... Yellow and green beans, look very healthy and very small, not even tall enough to start up the pole. What shell peas came up, are doing very nicely, half of what I planted. Snap peas are thick in one section of the garden, but very short. No sign of all the sweet peas I planted, soil issue in that section of the garden. Those are the plants that seem to be in an area that did not do as good as other parts. Peppers, beautiful, healthy looking plants . Out of twelve plants, I have one cayenne growing. Again most are very stocky plants, with plenty of flowers. Tomatoes are a mess. I think one of the poles might be a bit short. They are healthy, lots of flowers and small fruits. But a bit too close, I am having a problem keeping one away from my good p

A little chilly outside when the sun gets behind a cloud. No rain yet today, though it has threatened. Kezie spent the day with me, and we went and did a little shopping. I went looking for a hanging basket for inside, the one I found was to big. No luck. And I needed to find hooks that fit for a dropped ceiling, no luck. But, I did get mty notebook, and a new folder to organize my life . Starting tomorow-I am getting my life together, I have no control over alot of things, but some things I can control! And I will do it with all my anger used to my advantage. Anyway... The garden walk was very interesting. Flowers on everything, and I see a few eggplants starting. Those are a first for me, I have Black Beauty's. Four of them that are growing very nicely, so I am hoping I will be making eggplant parmasion with my eggplants! That will make me make my own marinara sauce, and try to get some fresh mozzarella for it. Probly be picking enough sugar snap peas for Brian by Saturday. And m

I love taking black and white pictures. Now, I can do it with either my camera, or a program on the machine. That is pretty cool. But I do miss using my my SLR. I took time to really see the picture, and took my time snapping. Now, they don't call it point and shoot for nothing. I have gotten so lazy at taking pictures, mistaking quantity for quality. My God! I am turning into a Walmart mentality. Any how.... I do miss the vibrant reds of Kodachrome slides, had to use that in school for color projects, and now they don't make it anymore!!! I liked Black and White so much better, you always developed your own rolls. And that was allot of fun. When I understand the process, everything is so much easier for me. I never got the hang of color developing, never understood the ratio's, chemistry, way too much for me to retain. Mine was so much simpler, so my best work was done in Black and White. I am just drawn to shadows and darkness. I do love all styles of photography, but Bla

Another day has been started. Cold one out there! I went for a walk this morning, pulled a few weeds. Made a very nice lunch Apple stuffed French Toast, and I even ate it! I tend to make food and then throw away. I don't like eating, but I love the making! Tonight I am having garlic chive smashed potatoes, fresh corn on the Cobb, and I think I am going to make a little smoke paprika, a bit of cayenne, a bit of lite mayo. Something a bit different. And a nice chicken breast that is marinating as I write in a bit of fresh garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, lemon peel, lemon pepper, sea salt, and a few dashes of Tabasco. I plan on searing it, then bake it off with fresh herbs. I will try to eat it! Before I could eat, but could of cared less what, now I can't eat, and I love to make everything I put in my mouth. Ironic isn't it!!! I want to get to the store this afternoon, but I am feeling a bit lazy. I thought if I get a new notebook, I could start organizing my life again (It a

I love these flowers, if I could I would have a full bed of every color. When I lived in Grand Marais, I had a little A-Frame cabin on top of a steep hill. The deck was full of pots with flowers, and the beds in front. When I would drive up the hill at nite my head lites would hit the flowers and all the cosmos would be dancing in the spot lites. I loved coming home to that. Now, I am back to growing cosmos, and thinking of all the great memories that where made in Grand Marais. The friends I had, the life I had. I belonged somewhere again, haven't felt like that since I was a kid in Fort Francis, staying at my second home with my Aunty Lena and Uncle Moe. And all this is because of a pretty little Cosmo. So far only the pink and purple ones have showed up. I am hoping that the shorter ones are either orange, and I do know I have a very good chance of getting some white ones, Purity. I am really trying to get better at this writing thing. Use words in a more responsible way, at lea

Another day has gone by. Not a good one today, I can't seem to get out of a nasty melancholy mood. Sat outside and cried listening to How to Save a Life. Don't know how to save mine right now. Anyway.... I have lost control of my tomatoes. They are growing, and growing fast, one of the poles might be a tad short. But we will deal. Everyday I have been going out and tying up limbs that seem to be escaping. I know I keep repeating myself when I say how Happy I am with how the garden turned out this year. This fall I will get a bigger tiller and till it really good, add more compost, and next year, things will be even better. I will have the grow lite unit set up properly and that will be enough to start 300 plants the right way. A Train is rumbling by... I should go out for another walk. My blood - pressure is up pretty high right now, has been all week. Life... I have a long list of projects that must be done by December 15, 2009!!!! I am trying to organize my life, but it is no

I am trying to use my little garden as a teaching tool. I am hoping to learn how to have patience. I don't have it, I don't think I ever had it. But after realizing that my garden will not look like the ones in the magazines or seed catalog as soon as a seed goes in!!! Each day I do see something different, sometimes not big changes, but change. I have to learn to be grateful for the little things. Be patient for the larger picture to evolve. Learn that!!! I read in of of my many magazines,this quote "It isn't the great big pleasures that count the most; it's making a great deal out of the little ones." I think this goes along in my lesson plan, but have always believed in this. That is how memories are made. One small action at a time. Why can't I see that with patience. So, I am hoping this garden project will help me get a better grip on it. I do love sitting back there. listening to Jimmy buffet, or rocking while I am weeding to AC/DC, I really like Bl

It was a beautiful morning, after all the rain the sun was out for 7 hours before the storm hit. Took a walk with my niece and clicked a few rose pictures at Veterans Park. I want to grow some roses. But where? They need full sun, I am trying to visualize my backyard, and I would have to skip the second lily bed, and that would throw off my entire design. I will get a big pot and get a baby rose that I can bring in, two of them. I just can't justify having roses over design, and I will have the climbing roses over the arbor in a few years. But, I have figured out my tulip situation. When I widen the day lily beds , I will plant them all in front of them. I hope it will work, maybe I better ask around. I don't want to spend the money, and find out they are not compatible! When I was weeding Monday, I found a few onions growing!!! I just laughed. Live and learn!!! I am shot, had a long day, tat walk was a good one, a big uphill for awhile. But, the hamburger was even better tasti

A rain day! The garden was cleaned up yesterday, today it was the inside's turn. Fish tank is all nice ad clean, floors, dusting, rugs, all the glass nick-knacks washed and sparkle back in there place. I finally hung the witches ball. really a glass bobber originally. It is supposed to catch evil spirits that come in thru the open windows. See if it works, I have had it for over ten years, I bought it in Grand Marais, this is the first time it has been hung. The sun has peeked out every once in awhile, but it looks like more rain, I did go out and do my walk around the garden with the camera. I think my next move for the day will be to make a snack, popcorn!!! Put a clean pair of lounging clothes on, and I am done for the day. Going to work on what I need to get this fall in bulbs, and where I am going to be able to put them? I have to redo a bed now, I think, the sunflower bed might work, if I dig it up by two more feet. No that will not work, I plan to dig it up, but I need a dif