Lonelygirlarts

What should I ramble about today... I just realized I can write this off-line! I am still in the ice-age with my Internet connection. I get what I can afford. I guess today , since I feel so crappy I will explain why? And it is a very weird list! My main concern right now, well I have two of them. The number one is my depression is so bad, I am having a hard time justifying wanting to continue this way. Besides being physically ill, I hate the place I live. My whole life I swore I would never come back to this area and live. Guess where I am? I had my own life for twenty years away from here, and now I have to figure out a way to get out of here before it does kill me. I really thought after I healed from the Surgical infection in 2004, that took over a year of having to live with my Mum, getting stuffed with yards of gauze four times a day, because the cut across my lower abdomen to get the plumbing out became infected, In and out of the Mayo for six months.Living with a parent, Not a

This one was written when I lived in Grand Marais. Had the cutest cabin on a little hill, view of the lake when no leaves where on the trees, and I had lots of those! It was a really magical place. Allot of great memories where made there. Oh, Hell Panic is setting in pipes are gurgling Snow is hiding the sun and where in the hell is eagle mountain? Driveway, it has vanished sucked under mountains of snow shovel hidden where the sidewalk used to be and where in the hell is the snowplow? Fighting the frigid wind holding my own in a very fragile state wondering how to subdue the panic that is setting in and where in the hell is my Prozac pres

Every once in a blue moon, I get really sappy and write really bad poetry for a few months. Been a few years since I put anything to paper. So I rounded up my older ones and what the hell, I will add them here. No one will ever read how really terrible they are anyway. So here it goes..... Years After all these years he winks the same. But his smile is no longer that. I see only a smirk. He thinks my failures are because I shut him out. It took me to long to realize my failures where because I let him in. My Brother When he died, I buried his broken heart I buried his sad smile I buried his pain I could not bury his memory I took it from him as he lay so still, so cold. His memories became entwined with mine. I refuse to let go. The memories of his childhood, we shared together. When his heart was whole, and his laughter was true. I hold the memories of when he became broken. His reality shattered by death. Dearly I hold the memories of his being lost in this world. Every mo

This is the blueprint of my imaginary eatery. A sample of items I would choose to have on my menu. And the most important thing in any dining experience is, let the kitchen do the job they love to do. You will get the food our way or no way. If you want to pick apart a dish, do it at home.That is the way the kitchen runs. Lunch Menu: All sandwiches served with Sweet Potato Fries and Cucumber Buttermilk Ketchup. Choice of Pineapple Cashew Coleslaw or a Fruit Plate Monte Crisco: Shaved ham and turkey with Swiss and cheddar on lightly battered sourdough bread, grilled and served with Raspberry Sour Creme on the side. Ham and Pear crisp Sandwich: Shaved ham, poached pears, and melted cheese, toasted on Swedish Raisin Rye Bread. Raspberry Chipolte Barbecue Pulled Pork Stuffed Biscuit: Slow Roasted, tender pork, seasoned with the right spices and a sweet savory BBQ. sauce . All Baked inside a savory biscuit. The Best Patty Melt: Stop looking, this is it! Angus ground beef, Caramelized onions

The mid-August Backyard up-date has now begun. We will get the major issues over with right at the start! Lack of colors, I planted things en mass, so I do not have room for variety and color. I have to work n that and get a few different pops of color in spots for next year. I really think that is my only major complaint to come out of my first year. DAY LILY BED: Doing really well, they will not flower this year, but I love the color green, and I threw in a few Cosmo seedlings I had , and some zinnia seeds, they are about to bloom, just small plants. That bed will be opened up in the fall. I plan to border it in tulips. SUNFLOWERS: To the top of the shed, the smaller one have flower heads, they make me proud! THE FUNKY AREA: The mints need to be divided really bad, the scented geraniums are beautiful, I can't wait to get more! All the viola's and pansy's are just sitting pretty in there colorful pots. HERB BARREL: Full to the brim!, I had to yank the cilantro, it went to

My brain is tired, it had a very trying day today. It takes allot out of me to have to social and NICE for several hours a day. I do not have that coming naturally to me right at this time. I do have the talent for using allot of words in a sentence ! Can't hold a decent conversation with the living, but the computer and I are getting a bit more chatty. I logged on thinking I would write a nice long essay on something that is relevant to the day. Guess what? It ain't gonna happen. It would probably come out as some horrible end of the world dirge. And I can barely keep my eyes open. Good- nite !

It is foggy and dark outside. A perfect day to let the mind wander. It is a full day of Julia Child today, that's been fun this morning. I will get to the movie, maybe this week. Julie & Julia I think it's called. But I learned the secret of popovers! You learn something new everyday. Don't use a pan, use separate custard cups, leaving room between them for the heat to circle, and that is what will make them really pop up. I think I will make some on Monday, I will be home for dinner, so I will make popovers and a shrimp salad. I will be able to use fresh peas. And I am making pesto, Have everything I need, think I will freeze in ice cube trays, then use when needed. And If I want fresh pesto, I only need to buy a container of basil, add a few ice cubes, made it stretch. Pick Sage to dry also, and I have a sage that is getting crowded out, gonna have to move that baby to it's own pot. And with this rain, weeds are growing again. I am hoping Monday is a sunny hot day

I think (not a good thing), that the biggest regret I will have in life is not keeping up with my family, and heritage. I am watching people go to a funeral right now. Yes, I watch the dead come and go, I also watch allot of drunks come and go. The front has a very urban view! Anyway... I come from a very rich heritage, the food, music, art,religion. I love the language, listening to it anyway. But, most are dead that spoke it all the time. And the distance is greater, when we get older.And it always seems that there is always one person in your family who has the power to gather everyone together. Once they pass, their shoes do not get filled by someone younger. We lost the importance of extended family. I think that is because we grew up, then moved away. And we had to depend on ourselves, then the friends we made. Years go by, and we see each other at funerals,and go back to our lives.But all the people that have made my memories last deserve a few paragraphs. One of the dancers in

A very lovely day. I only had one melt down, then I went into my world. And in my world all was well. The best surprise was on my little music player I found lilly Allen!!! I worked all day trying to download that, and I thought I failed, but I didn't!!! So I rocked out in the backyard all day to her. I was outside by ten. Moved all the containers, mowed, deadheaded, cleaned up the backyard.Did some reading about pumpkins, found out how to get the big ones, so I should get four or five big pumpkins. And the little white ones I will let have four on a plant, they can stay small. I have never seen zucchini leaves that big before! They are huge. I went and had some pictures scanned onto a CD, now I can't get them into a file that will turn into a photo. They are PDF files. I have no idea how I fucked up! I will go back before work tomorrow and ask what I should do. I might have to gather up the photo's all over again. I think when I down loaded them I used the wrong program. A

When people blog, do they think out the bla bla bla before they start writing, or do they just sit at the keyboard and let it rip? Maybe I should take the time to read a few different types of blogs to help me out. I read a few gardening blogs, and have a few good ones e-mailed to me, which i usually delete. I guess if i want to get better at this, i need to do my research. And do I need to focus my blog on one theme? Or, I guess I will do it as I live my life in chapters. Now I just have to make each day a paragraph in that chapter. Yea, that' s it!!! Paragraphs in my chapters. Too bad most of the paragraphs will be pretty boring. And sometimes it is not that pleasant. But if any one ever besides me reads this, realize that I do know how good my life is, I always have all the basics. But sometimes my brain does not connect with reality. And I slip into the shadows. Like now. And i fight really hard everyday to keep living. It's become more of a habit than anything else. Depres

When will summer come? It has been a bit chilly of late. Sun comes in and out, a bit of rain here and there. All those years of hating the heat because I was so heavy, now, I can't keep warm on a 90 degree day. but again, that's life.... I need to do a walk around the backyard, haven't done it at all lately. Worked all week-end, work tonite, but the next few days off. I think I might try a little on-line flirting. Don't know about the dating, I am just not feeling good enough to have to work that hard at being personable. Right now, I can handle a few minutes with a person, but after that, all hell will break loose, jut don't have all my marbles in order right now. Something weird is happening with my speech right now, I am having a hard time with words. Probably a little stroke happened Saturday or Friday nite. Nothing new with that. I looked into a digital photography class for this fall, but it is all full, so I think I will try to enroll in two classes for the s

I do not think it has reached 60 degrees outside! I went for a walk this morning, I wore a turtleneck, jean jacket and jeans. It is August 1st!!! We have had a very cold summer, the garden is a full month behind. Here is my August Update.... Yellow and green beans, look very healthy and very small, not even tall enough to start up the pole. What shell peas came up, are doing very nicely, half of what I planted. Snap peas are thick in one section of the garden, but very short. No sign of all the sweet peas I planted, soil issue in that section of the garden. Those are the plants that seem to be in an area that did not do as good as other parts. Peppers, beautiful, healthy looking plants . Out of twelve plants, I have one cayenne growing. Again most are very stocky plants, with plenty of flowers. Tomatoes are a mess. I think one of the poles might be a bit short. They are healthy, lots of flowers and small fruits. But a bit too close, I am having a problem keeping one away from my good p